i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
