Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
