she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize