Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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