there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
