I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
