the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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