my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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