I wish I could teleport
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
