Cold hands, warm shart.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
