My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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