I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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