well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
