You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
