She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
