She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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