morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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