I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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