If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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