Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize