You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
