I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
