I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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