she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
