I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
