how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
can u get pink eye on your cock?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
