I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
