the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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