you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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