No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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