My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
