we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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