How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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