If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
