I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
