Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
