piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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