i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
