Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
