my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
