I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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