Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
