Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
