i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize