R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
