Only a mothe r could love this liver
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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