you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize