so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize