Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
