ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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