I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
