Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
