I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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