We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
