you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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