turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
