I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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