3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize