like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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