The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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