I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
