I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
