If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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