dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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