literally had 100 drinks last night.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
