saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
