I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
