my phone needs a breathalizer
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Randomize
