new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize