There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
