you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize