God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
