Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
