yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
