We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
