I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
