I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
