Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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