i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
