I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
