i already hear my dad disowning me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
