I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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