Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
