thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
