I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
In America we eat man semen.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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