The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
