he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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