I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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