So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
