For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
