hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
