were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
