i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
