THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
