There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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