Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He uses pillows to masturbate.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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