we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
