mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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