Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
