I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
