its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize