They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
