If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
